v. Of, pertaining to, or as a result of malice or spite...
By anyone else's standards, you'd be a bad person. Now, what you've started cannot be undone. You want to keep going, but even if you didn't, you would still be in too deep to bother even trying to get out.
You did something today, that is irrevocable. It's like a tattoo without the option of lazer removal treatment. It was good, and you're glad that you finally took control, that you were able to literally seize the opportunity. It shaped the rest of your day :)
What do you do when someone likes the old you? - the 'you' that you rejected. The 'you' that you shed in order to become who you are now. What do you do when they can relate to the you back then, when they connect with the you back then. They didn't even know you, and you get the feeling that they, without knowing you, want you to go back, not all the way, but to some point in the middle of it all.
What do you do when you can't have who or what you want? You go somewhere else for the next best thing, you adapt, you move on. But what happens when you don't want second best, and you can't move on from the things you do want.
You wonder whether the others would give them up without a fight. Then you wonder, would you want to fight? Would it be worth the fight? You don't mean anything over the top philosophical, like love or anything, but plainly and simply. Being the 'other' - where does that leave you. Well, it depends on what you want, and whether being the 'other' gets you what you wanted.
What will you do when the time comes that you have so many options to choose from, but can only choose one? Will you choose one, or none? You can't always have everything, which is not unfair, but still annoying. You don't believe in self sacrifice for the benefit of others. You don't believe in changing to fit. At the same time, you don't ask or expect people to like what you do, that is entirely up to them, so you can't beat yourself up over the fact that they might not want to be around you if you don't change.
