JUBILANT.

adjective: exultant: joyful and proud especially because of triumph or success.

You wouldn't call it success or a triumph, but you do feel pretty damn amazing. Once again. Tonight was something slightly new, a Christening of sorts, and a first or two as well. You were nervous in the lead-up perhaps because you hadn't seen this person in months, or perhaps because something else in the back of your head was saying 'be careful' - though, you think option A is more applicable.

Your leg shook, first from nerves, then from the cold, then from excitement. In about two hours, you managed to feel about fifteen different emotions. And it's left you with this one massively satisfied idiot-smile. If you were toothless, you'd look like a scrambled-brain hobo. Attractive image, isn't it?

You were driving well tonight. All smooth and coasty. Like the whole night in general. Everything worked out. You always go into these things with a gut feeling about the outcome. The internal decision maker that says yes or no without consulting your brain or heart. If your heart had had any say, it would've been yes regardless.

You know you love more than one person, and you could see yourself with the both of them, but the way love works - well, society works, it's completely irrational. It makes perfect sense, and yet it's not allowed. But that's fine. Things are what they are.

You spent a glorious day out in the sun today, working on your tan. It was the most perfect day, barely any breeze, not a cloud in sight, and some lovely Bio-oil to simultaneously help you tan and repair your skin. It seems a bit redundant, with one cancelling the other out, but it was fine. The pictures are average, however.

You told your other lover how happy you are, and you wonder what he's really thinking. Is he jealous or excited or what? Sometimes it feels like he holds back how he's feeling, despite knowing that his are the only feelings that have any weight with you. Funny how things are messed up when it comes to caring about someone else.

Now you're wondering where things are heading, and how long they'll last. He said that come November, things will be better, different. It's interesting how a date can make all the difference, how 17 and 11 months isn't enough, but 18 is. How strange. Either way, no matter how it turns out, you're eager to be free to go places, to be to live. Yay.